I’ve been giving a lot of thought this week to my Tuesday Patch story regarding being constructed, and the detrimental effect it will have on our sleepy little community.
I’ve also been trying to reconcile this concern with that I was turning over a new leaf, and that the “new me” would examine our world with a less critical, and more forgiving eye.
As such, I am reminded of a discussion a few weeks ago with a colleague who mentioned his belief that what our country needs to stop its inevitable slide into financial ruin is a benevolent dictator.
Having given suitable consideration to this idea, I think the appointment of a similar benevolent dictator for our town might best allow the residents of Holliston to maintain a rewarding and sustainable way of life. And I can think of no better person for this position than myself.
Please note my desire to be appointed to this position, as truthfully, I’m not a coup d’état kind of guy. And while I have no major gripes with any of our current town boards and officials, as the Benevolent Dictator, I will have the luxury of ignoring any laws that might interfere with my agenda. In that way, I could be just like Governor
Patrick, arbitrarily deciding our future with little regard for the will of the citizenry.
Trust me, as Holliston’s Benevolent Dictator I will have no desire for personal gain. While I may need to “borrow” the Food Pantry van on occasion for Mudville Base Ball Club road trips, there will be no “Eagle’s Nest” on Mount Hollis.
From my first day in office, I will try to turn the unfortunate possibility of a Milford casino into a positive. My first act will be to install toll booths at our borders. Now, these won’t be your modern Mass Pike toll booths with adjacent Fast Lane service, but will be similar to the old metal basket exact change booths, with an interesting twist.
After throwing in the designated payment, the driver will pull back the handle of an antique one armed bandit, prompting projected lemons, cherries and lucky number 7’s to swirl on an overhead screen. Three in a row will lift the gate, and the lucky drivers can proceed down Route 16 to their den of delight. Not a winner? Keep throwing those coins or go home.
Can you imagine the excitement? When I was young, when trips to the Cape meant bumper to bumper traffic along route 28, my sisters and I would cheer when we reached the twin lighthouses that marked the entrance to Wareham, and to us, the beginning of vacation.
Now, the cheers of a new generation of children will echo through our town as their parent’s car approaches our Jackpot Toll, ecstatic at the thought of spending a sweltering afternoon in the back seat of a parked car, while mommy and daddy roll the dice to win them a new pair of shoes.
Obviously, Holliston residents will be provided free tokens for the tolls, as well as free Cash Lane transponders. Signs will look to redirect the “gaming public” to our own “Wennakeening Woods” casino located on the island at Lake Winthrop
As Benevolent Dictator, I will be concerned with public safety. The route 16/126 corridor between Milford and Framingham has been referred to by some as an illegal criminal alien superhighway. As such, the pulling of the toll handle will record the driver’s fingerprints and image which will be forwarded to ICE for review in accordance with the Secure Communities program. But since I believe it important to provide options, an additional non-Jackpot tollbooth will be installed that allows passage with no ICE review for $50.
As Benevolent Dictator, I will direct that the money realized from the tollbooths and Lake Winthrop casino be used to fund future school overrides and unfunded town retirement obligations. And there will be no sneaking down the rail trail.