I think it’s time to face reality. My campaign to become Holliston’s benevolent Dictator has not produced the outpouring of public support that I had anticipated. So now, being completely despondent by the experience, I have decided to take a new tack. It’s time to Occupy Holliston.
I am not quite sure why my campaign has so surely sputtered to a halt, but I am blaming “The Man.” “The Man” was always the one responsible for all of life’s difficulties in the TV dramas of the seventies, and I’m sure it is no different now. I’ve never really known who “The Man” was, but I've always believed he lived in a place that was dark and somber, even in the daytime. Like the Selectmen’s office.
But before you catch me yelling “Attica” at town meeting, or storming Holliston Firearms like a crazed John Brown, I want you to understand that I know what you’re thinking; that I’m just another publicity starved malcontent bitching about his lot in life, while refusing to offer solutions for the malaise which presently consumes our country. Let me assure you, that is not the case.
Let me also assure you, that it is not my intent to proceed with this movement with anything less than full dedication and commitment. I have already informed the lovely Suzanne that I will be departing our home soon, to assume residence in my mother’s basement. This is a win for all, as Suzanne deserves a well earned respite from my political scheming, and my mother will no longer need to call when a light bulb needs replacing. As for me, it is my understanding that it is in such basement environments that anarchy blooms like some poisonous wild mushroom. My greatest fear is that the sump pump and dehumidifier installed by Bobby Kiley following the spring floods of 2010, might mollify my desired behavior.
Unlike my brothers and sisters currently occupying the Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy Greenway in Boston, Occupy Holliston has an established list of demands, and a slogan designed to unite all the oppressed people of our town. This slogan has been chosen to accurately represent the uncertain mood that engulfs our daily life. And it calls for the return of one of our own, a man who left Holliston in search of his soul, and will return like King Arthur, ready to assume his rightful position as leader of our movement.
From Braggville to East Holliston, from Gooches Corner to Metcalf, the cry will ring forth: “All we are saying, is give Reece a chance!”
You might remember Reece. Reece McGilvray was a member of my high school graduating class, presently living in Florida. His father, also named Reece, was a man of great dignity who served on the School Committee and was active at St. Mary’s.
Reece is a man blessed with a scholar’s wisdom and a saint’s heart. How else would you describe someone who was a Student Council officer, who in his yearbook profile tells the world: GET PSYCHED WHEN: WATCHING GILLIGANS ISLAND.
Some in 1974 saw that comment as a simple joke. The more astute reader recognized the prophesy behind the statement. Watching Gilligan’s Island for Reece was not just an adolescent escape into the world of Ginger versus Mary Anne. To Reece, the show spoke of a lost people and their acceptance of governmental neglect. It was a world where the rich (Mr. and Mrs. Howell), even when deprived of their cancerous lucre tried to subordinate the people, where only Gilligan’s good natured enthusiasm and the Professor’s inventions offered hope for the future. It could only be through their joint effort that the people would be set free.
Before I can call Reece home, however, I need to provide him with details of our movement. It is my intention that Occupy Holliston will take up position on the rail trail opposite Coffee Haven and next to Casey’s.
As I expect to be alone in the first days of the movement, I am confident that I can completely shut down all rail trail bicycle traffic by myself. A true revolutionary also enjoys an occasional cup of coffee as well as a bottle of the people’s favorite malt based beverage, so my location is perfect for satisfying some basic human needs, as well as for gathering support from local patrons.
Unlike my Boston and Wall Street brethren, Occupy Holliston’s demands are clear and simple:
- Butter automatically served with rolls at Bertucci’s. Asking no longer required.
- Free access to Food Pantry van for Mudville Base Ball Club road trips. Senior Center Van held in reserve for additional fans.
- Food must be available at Casey’s after 9PM on Sunday nights.
- “The People” will be entitled to fully access the cut through between Juniper Road and Morgan’s Way.
- Leash laws shall be eliminated. Dogs are people, too.
- CVS coupons will never expire.
- The payment of any tax increase due to school overrides shall be optional.
- “The People” shall have free and unlimited access to the Marshall Street soccer fields.
- Cute college aged women representing groups such as Greenpeace shall be forbidden from neighborhood soliciting, and will instead be redirected to Sherborn.
- All debts owed by Occupy Holliston members to Saturday morning breakfast groups shall be forgiven.
That’s it. Spread the word and free the people. Give Reece a chance!